Leonard: They’re not going anywhere. (Closes door, staying in hallway.) So, you’re coming home from work. That’s great. How was work.
Penny: Well, you know, it’s the Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them.
Leonard: So,you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system.
-
Howard: (speaks a phrase in Russian).
Penny: I’m sorry?
Howard: Haven’t you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?
Penny: No, I haven’t.
Howard: Get used to it.
Penny: Yeah, I probably won’t, but… Hey Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hi.
Penny: Hey Raj! (Raj looks uncomfortable) Still not talking to me, huh?
Sheldon: Don’t take it personally, it’s his pathology, he can’t talk to women.
Howard: He can’t talk to attractive women, or in your case a cheesecake–scented Goddess!
-
Penny: Yeah, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her, which one was that?
Leonard,Sheldon and Howard together: One. (Raj raises one finger).
Sheldon: You realise that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy.
Penny: Yes, I know, men can’t fly.
Sheldon: Oh no, let’s assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Miss Lane, who is now travelling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
Leonard: Unless, Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? She’s two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, he’d let her hit the pavement. It would be a more merciful death.
-
Leonard: We don’t need strength, we’re physicists. We are the intellectual descendents of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth, it’s just a matter… (starts to move package) I don’t have this… I don’t have this I don’t have this.
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.
Leonard: Do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.
Time shift, Leonard and Sheldon are now lowering the package onto the bottom of the stairs.
Leonard: Easy, easy (package falls) Okay! Now we’ve got an inclined plane. The force required to lift is reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs, call it thirty degrees, so about half.
Sheldon: Exactly half.
Leonard (snarkily): Exactly half. Let’s push. Okay, see, it’s moving, this is easy, all in the math.
Sheldon: What’s your formula for the corner.
Leonard: What? Oh, okay, uh, okay, yeah, no problem, just come up here and help me pull and turn.
(Sheldon heads up the stairs. The package slides back down to the bottom.)
Sheldon: Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
-
Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?
Leonard: Men do things for women without expecting sex.
Sheldon: Yeah, those are men who just had sex.
-
Leonard: So Penny’s a little messy.
Sheldon: A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos.
-
Penny: In my apartment, while I was sleeping.
Sheldon: And snoring. And that’s probably just a sinus infection, but it could be sleep apnoea, you might want to see an otolaryngologist. It’s a throat doctor.
Penny: And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
Sheldon: Depending on the depth, that’s either a proctologist or a general surgeon. (Leonard holds up a sign reading “Sarcasm”) Oh!
-
Penny: What’s going on?
Leonard: Um, here’s the thing. (Reads from note.) Penny. Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgement. The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognise one’s mistakes. Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie’s discovery of Radium turned out to have great scientific potential even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. Another example, from the field of ebola research….
Penny: Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny (hugs him): We’re okay. (Kisses him on cheek. Closes door. Leonard looks happy, walks back across hallway and straight into the apartment door.)
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